The Real Emancipated Woman

“But Mom, you don’t work,” is what I heard from the backseat.

It was the answer given to the recap of my day as a reason for my exhaustion.  I had done five loads of laundry, picked up the dry cleaning, cleaned up the home and planned dinner.  We were heading home, where I’d spend the next few hours cloning myself to help with homework, start supper, walk the dogs and put those loads of clothes away.

“Dad has a job and you don’t,” she continued innocently. 

I was stunned.  I thought about those words for a long moment.  You don’t work.  Is that how the children really view me? I thought.  As a jobless mother who sits at home watching TV, painting my fingernails and occasionally throwing some food in the skillet?  Well, thank God for Dad, who at least does something.

At first, feelings of ingratitude set in.  Who exactly do they think folds their clothes and puts them away?  The wardrobe fairy?  And who ensures they arrive to dance lesson on time or that a gift has been purchased for their friend’s birthday party next week?  My mind raced through the list of chores and responsibilities I have in order to run our household smoothly.  Do they not notice the dark circles under my eyes and do they not see that my own bedroom is in shambles while theirs has been spotlessly cleaned?

Then ingratitude molded into something else: the realization that in my daughter’s eyes the true worth of a woman rests in whether she has a ‘real’ job or not.  To her the true value of a woman depends upon the caliber of her career.  

     I don’t hold a traditional nine to five job anymore but instead fit the shoes of the nearly extinct homemaker.   On several occasions people ask me ‘what I do’.  The question always translates to: what is your career?  I find myself answering ‘stay at home mom’ or ‘homemaker’ and a sudden wave of emptiness washes over me.  People reply by nodding their heads and mutter a low ‘ooohh’, a polite way of saying “oh, must be nice to be home and not work’. 

At what point did the line between Women’s Right and Radical Feminism blur?  Better yet, when did the two create a new stereotypical movement to disempower women who don’t exercise the ‘modern woman’ guidelines? I think of the women before us, from the first Women’s Rights Convention at Seneca Falls in 1848 down to Susan B. Anthony (cofounder of National Woman Suffrage Association, NWSA) and Lucy Stone (founder of American Woman Suffrage Association, AWSA).   Would they agree that progress has been made by adhering to the general thought that women should have powerful careers and hold special places in order to be an emancipated woman?

I think not.

Although the battle for equal opportunity, the right to vote, the access to education, and the vision of gender equality has made great strides (I dare not say won), there is still a war that wages against women.  It’s a simple, feeble reality that hides inside the accomplishments above.  Women are continuously being scrutinized and evaluated against the expectations of modern society.  In a way, it seems that as women made progress in politics, education and business, the important counterparts that make us who we are—mothers, wives and nurturers, have diminished.  The true value of a woman shines when she is one with herself and others.  The social disconnect that occurs if she fails to follow the distinct qualities set forth by modern society, shows that women still aren’t free from ‘standards’.  To diminish any role of a woman, whether it’s a traditional one or not, is still to confront her with the struggle we’ve faced all along: depreciation.  And that depreciation alone undermines the original rights fought for each woman; that she is valuable and equal to man, despite her choices in life.

Over the years I’ve talked with friends and found a distressing train of thought among many of them.  They worry that falling in love with a man and marrying will murder their independence as a twenty-first century woman; the thought of having a child means they must be barefoot and pregnant, unable to ever achieve anything else in their lives.  Yet, many of their tendencies subconsciously led them to find someone to settle down and start a life with.  This common belief that contradicted their womanly instinct saddened me.  When has the inner desire of being what essentially makes us women become so bothersome that we must suppress it in order to justify our value?  Better yet, why is it more widely acceptable, even desirable, for a man to chase the traditional role of financial provider, husband and father in order to be considered ‘on the right track’?  Has that role not been the same since the beginning of time? 

Emancipation should empower women in any way we see fit.  Sadly, emancipation has also established a nearly impenetrable wall that replaced the undermined and forgotten woman with another type; the tigress that must dominate.  In her book Anarchism and Other Essays, Emma Goldman says, “Now, woman is confronted with the necessity of emancipating herself from emancipation, if she really desires to be free.” 

To understand the meaning of emancipation isn’t for women to have to hold a career; to rebel against the opposite sex’s role as provider; or an over exaggerated show of equality.  It is to explore our potentials and fulfill our destiny as guilt-free human beings.

Discover more of Tamara's writings on her blog: http://tamararokicki.wordpress.com/ 



Want more for Mother's Day?
Saving our children from Mothers’ Day (Danielle Rose)
The Real Emancipated Woman  (by Tamara Rokicki)
Make sure the kids wear coats: A Mother’s Day Blog (by Charla Dury) POSTS 5/6/15
The Goddess Connection: Mothers and Maeve (by Tara Ann Lesko) POSTS 5/7/15
In a Nutshell: On Mothers (by Danielle Rose) POSTS 5/8/15

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