Relationship wrap up

Over the last month, the blog here at Mind Key has focused on relationships.  Relationships with yourself, your family, your significant other and relationships with your higher self.  Each type is drastically different.  How you relate to yourself is not the same as how you relate to your family, your partner or your spiritual connection, but each type is connected by the basics; honesty, love, kindness and work.  Relationships don’t just spring into being (except for the relationship with self…  That one’s kind of a given... but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, in fact, it can be one of the most difficult when it comes to honesty.) 

Danielle and the girls

Relationship with self week brought us several insightful blogs.  In Motherhood - The Ultimate relationship with self, Mind Key trail blazer DanielleRose talked about her eye opening experience as a mother of two girls as it related to her relationship with herself.  Danielle describes how hard it was, and is, to maintain a relationship with herself and continue her internal journey of self-discovery while caring for those for whom she’d give up that life.  I talked about the importance of what comes after the words "I am" in Positive Self Talk.

Jon and I in Las Vegas

During romantic relationship week, I talked about how my husband of 20 years and I still enjoy time together, making plans to do new things and working hard to keep it fresh.  Keep the Spark Alive tells that while not every “date night” is perfect, neither is every relationship.  Guest blogger Sarah Loukos talked about how important it is to stay true to yourself and your path, no matter what you might perceive to be in your way.  In I love you but we can't be together today she talks about the effects that extramarital affairs have on the personal psyche and some of the advice she gives to her clients during readings.

For family week, Mind Key columnist Lisa Avila, MD wrote about Managing Difficult Family Members and gave us four steps to follow to make interactions easier, or at least to ease some of the stress.  Blogger Tamara Rokicki writes about her experience in Thriving in a Blended Family.”Its all about balance,” she says.

Higher self week was a bit more fluid as there are so many different belief systems.  One week wasn’t anywhere near long enough to cover them all, but we delved into several.  In Angels are there - An interview with Jacqui Geary we explored the Mind Key interview of Jacqui Geary of Trinity Metaphysical Center and Gift Shop in Hamburg, NJ.  She talked about her relationship with Angels and how she feels protected by them.  She advises her clients to call the angels into their lives and to find the comfort that they offer.  In Spirit Animals/Power Animals, MK Columnist Vera Remes told us of her Spirit Animal relationship with her camel and how she feels that even once you find your Spirit Animal, your work is not done.

There’s no real conclusion here.  Relationships are awesome, difficult, lovely, strange, comforting and worth it.



Which blog this month resonated most with you? And how does your connection to the world around you help define who you are?

Love isn't about need - It never was

Lisa M. Avila, D.C.is a new contributor at Mind Key.  As a Certified Applied Kinesiologist working and living in New York, Lisa brings her unique viewpoint to bear on the Mind Key Community.

 

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I read a Facebook post recently that gave me tremendous pause...initially, I chose not to respond and possibly ignite a social media war, but the post has stuck in my head and I found that I was unable to resist an invitation from Danielle Rose to write a short commentary on it. 

The post was a remark on why people who have been alone for a period of time are the hardest to love, because they no longer need companionship....This remark hit me wrong for a host of reasons, the first of which is that it is presumptive. It assumes that anyone who has had a period of time of solitude fundamentally suffers in his or her outlook on love and relationship. The truth of the matter is that we, as a society, need to stop looking on solitude with negative judgment and instead realize that there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. Society tells us in ways both subtle and overt, that if we are not paired in relationship, that we are therefore lonely. It is up to us, however, if we decide to agree with that message.

The second issue that I took with this statement was part of "no longer needing" companionship as being a bad thing. What we need, if anything, is to thoroughly understand the difference between needing companionship and wanting companionship. Do we still live in a time where we haven't discerned the difference between choices made when we need when we want? Do we not yet know that when we need, we make choices out of desperation and fear? Haven't we learned yet that when we want, we reach towards our goals from a more balanced place, capable of making decisions that serve us infinitely better than when we are desperate?

The idea of being desperate for a relationship is one that is perpetuated throughout all forms of media, including social. But what if we started looking at the subject of romantic relationships differently, and instead decided that nothing trumps the quality of partnership that is truly a good match for us, rather than simply securing a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife? That compatibility in romantic partnership was much more important than filling the vacancy beside you? 

And finally, if we did get to that place, wouldn't we be able to teach ourselves and our children to relax around relationships, not nervously rush to "close the deal" as soon as possible with someone who only looks good on paper...?    

Real, true love is not about need; it never was...

Lent and Mindfulness in relationships

“In a time where no one seems to have enough time, our devices allow us to be many places at once — but at the cost of being unable to fully inhabit the place where we actually want to be.  Mindfulness says we can do better.” 

— Time Magazine cover article on mindfulness, February 3, 2014.

Oh Catholic Lent! Self-denial for 40 days. First begins with Ash Wednesday and ends with Easter Sunday. This year that is February 10th until March 24th. Then we can commence back to the sinning!!! ( Just a little humor)

I am not Catholic. I have though, participated in Lent for a few years now. It's mindfulness. Give up harm, replace with good. Mediate for the 40 days and send peace to the world. Give up Facebook on your phone, or all social media and spend time with your children or outdoors enjoying what really matters. Think about what you can give up, to improve your world and the planet we live on.

Write, create, garden, visit loved ones. Take your time. Be thankful. Be grateful. Pray for the world. We are one world and one people.

Blessings to you all and a productive Lent to all who participate.

(You don't have to be Catholic to participate in Lent. It's 40 days of mindfulness and giving up what you REALLY don't need in your life).



Danielle's note:

Because this is month is about relationships, I want to share something I learned about phone and other device usage: When we are interrupted while the middle of something (reading, writing, listening, etc.) the natural human response is irritability.

Let that sink in for a moment.

That means when you are on your phone, texting, responding to an email, or even reading an article in your newsfeed, and your children or significant other interrupt, your natural human reaction is to get irritable.

Once my husband and I went out for Valentine's Day dinner.  We were at a moderately expensive restaurant, and I was stunned that we were the only couple in the room without their phones on the table.  Truly.  And I thought, how can two people be so connected to the digital world that they can't enjoy one special dinner together without the internet.

Whether for lent, as a Valentine's Day gift to your loved one, or just because… Take some time to "turn off" during these last few weeks of winter.  Settle in to the long evenings with "device-free" or "internet-free" times.  Vow to keep the phones out of sight and turned off during dinner.  Plan a family game night and toss the phones in a basket.

Be mindful of your relationship.

Keeping the spark alive - Long terms relationships are hard

Jon and I cycling at Red Rocks
park in Las Vegas

My husband and I have been married for twenty years and together for twenty eight.  That's a long time.

Its hard to keep things fresh when eventually, everything has a low point like I mentioned here.

If you go out onto the internet, there are so many websites and articles that give tips and tricks on how to keep it fresh, to keep the spark alive, to rekindle the romance.

Date night for the Durys
before sushi and comedy

One of the most common threads is planning a date night. Date nights are awesome.   And I'm not talking about Date Night, the movie (although your date night could include Date Night, laughter is also awesome.)  They can consist of something as simple as cooking dinner together or going out to a movie.  No one is saying that they have to be at night, involve eating, or be expensive, extravagant or complicated.  In fact sometimes simple is better.

Jon and I like to trade off planning our date nights because we enjoy some different things.

Jon is a major cyclist and, while I enjoy cycling, I won't say that it's my thing.
I love to cook and, while Jon also likes to cook, its not his thing either.

Jon and his sip 'n' paint painting

Jon loves horror flicks and rom-coms.  I dig on adventure and dramedies.
Jon likes comfort foods and I like trying new places.
Jon enjoys bubble gum pop and I dig on classic rock.
We both like movies, concerts, comedy and going out to dinner.  We both like trying new things and doing things we know are fun.

4 wheeling fun

We each get an email from Groupon, Living Social and other deal sites every day.  Sometimes we see things that are interesting to us and we buy them.  Sometimes they're for restaurants, sometimes for things to do.

On Friday I bought us two tickets to see The Fab Four, a Beatles tribute band, for next month.  A while back I bought us cooking classes.  A few months ago, Jon bought us a Groupon for sushi and comedy and then a sip and paint Groupon even though he's best at drawing stick figures. That was fun.  And I chose to rent four-wheelers for our anniversary where we learned that I'm a much more aggressive driver than Jon.



I guess what I'm saying is that we all need to continue to date our partners.  Be open to doing new things and let go of control of your dates.  They don't always have to be dinner and a movie.  Branch out!